It started the day of my first baby shower...the idea that something was wrong. My besties had arranged the shower at a spa. Mani, pedi and presents. It couldn't get any better. It was like my wedding day or my birtdhay. A day devoted to me. A thrill ran through me.
Celia handed me the first gift. The wrapping was from a local boutique. I ripped the paper away, opened the box to find a mongramed baby blanket. I smiled and gushed and thanked her, but in my mind I felt slighted in some way. Why couldn't she stick to my registery list?
Laura's gift was next. I kenw she had wonderful taste and deep pockets. The wrapping was so ornate I almost felt guilty tearing it. Inside was the baby carseat I had registered for and the matching stroller. It was exactly what I'd asked for. And there was more. Baby outfits from a local boutique. Again exactly what I'd registered for, but again there was sinking disappointment. But I smiled the best I could.
Gift after beautiful gift and eventually, it was turning my stomach to smile and thank people for them. When asked I pretended it was morning sickness but that wasn't it. What had hit me was that not a single gift was for me. All my friends had gotten together and thrown a party and then handed me gifts to open for someone else.
I put it from my mind and listened to my friends tell me that I'd never experienced love like I would experience when I looked at my child. I couldn't wait for that warm and fuzzy feeling they all gushed about. And then the day came and I went in labor.
The whole process was painful and disgusting. People looking at my parts, poking me with needles and the damn epidural barely did a thing. And after all my efforts. All my suffering. The moment she was out, my Randall left my side and went to hers. He chose her. Followed her to the nursery where they would clean her. Didn't he see what all I went through. How could he leave me?
And them my parents came. My always doting parents. The two people who loved me more than anyone and all they could do was coo at that little thing. They passed her back and forth. I was hardly even noticed at all. Never had that happened...EVER.
The days that followed my body was alien to me. Every thing that could leak on it did and nothing was where it used to be all because of that thing that cried and spit and smelled. Always demanding. And again they clamoured around her like she was gold. My husband who'd only had eyes for me couldn't take his eyes off of her.
I decided then and there she wouldn't take him away from me. I'd point out every flaw. Make them all see she wasn't special at all. I was special. I'd always been special. Over time, they'd see her the way I saw her. I'd always been number one. There would be no other.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Why I'm a Romantic
I know not everyone believes as I do. This isn't a post to convince you to think like me. It's more to let you into my head and why I write Supernatural Romance.
First off, I am a romantic. I believe in meant-to-be relationships in real life. I don't consider being married as something that has tied me down but has built me up. Maybe because I'm not jaded. I haven't had much chance to become so and I am grateful to God for that. I met my husbad at age 17 after years of praying about him and he was EXACTLY what God told my heart he would be. Not to say our marriage has been perfect. Marriage is HARD WORK. And it's not a sure thing to last just because you've found THE ONE.
You can have the perfect career, the one you were made for and wreck it by being irrisponsible, childish, or selfish. Happens to actors and musicians all the time. If you find the right person and don't maintain the relationship you most certainly can TRASH IT
I believe Supernatural love is real too. I'm a Christian (The Jesus follower kind, not the politcal, ugly, protest against others kind). I believe that the Bible compares love and marriage to His persuit of each of us. He is enamored with us. Delighted by each of us and is just waiting for that moment we will turn around, face Him, accept His love and love Him back.
I believe marriage is BEAUTIFUL. Not what Bridezillas have made it look like, where all the planning and pain goes into ONE STINKING DAY, but the committment of marriage. Not the temporary marriages people try now. I'm talking about the kind where you choose someone special. Someone who inspires you to be a better version of yourself. You are convinced you are marriage up...meaning someone better than you are, but at the same time he feels the same way about you. And you promise that there will be no one else. That you will guard yourself against that. (Marriage does not make you blind)
That when life gets rough and he starts going bald or work makes him crazy and he comes home in a bad mood, you are not going anywhere. Because you know that's not who he really is. (That doesn't mean you just quietly take it. But NO RUNNING) And when you get hormonal and could win the Queen Bitch award, he's NOT RUNNING either. And if cancer removes a breast, he still loves you. And if an accident puts him in a chair, you don't leave for a healthy person.
That is marriage and it is not the same thing as, let's hang out and see how it goes. Because it's going to get hard and you will want to run at some point. But you don't and you work and you make it beautiful again, but not only is it beautiful, it's stonger than when you started. It's my goal to go to my grave making mine better than the day we got married. I raise my fist in absolute defiance at the world and anyone who comes against this union. If my marriage ends, it will not go down with out a fight.
So that's where I write from. A place where love, romance and the supernatural are all REAL. I just write a fictional version of it.
Here is what I'm reading lately for romantic inspiration
Song of Solomon 4:10-11
"How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice! Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue..."
Pretty spicy for the Bible, don't you think? :)
First off, I am a romantic. I believe in meant-to-be relationships in real life. I don't consider being married as something that has tied me down but has built me up. Maybe because I'm not jaded. I haven't had much chance to become so and I am grateful to God for that. I met my husbad at age 17 after years of praying about him and he was EXACTLY what God told my heart he would be. Not to say our marriage has been perfect. Marriage is HARD WORK. And it's not a sure thing to last just because you've found THE ONE.
You can have the perfect career, the one you were made for and wreck it by being irrisponsible, childish, or selfish. Happens to actors and musicians all the time. If you find the right person and don't maintain the relationship you most certainly can TRASH IT
I believe Supernatural love is real too. I'm a Christian (The Jesus follower kind, not the politcal, ugly, protest against others kind). I believe that the Bible compares love and marriage to His persuit of each of us. He is enamored with us. Delighted by each of us and is just waiting for that moment we will turn around, face Him, accept His love and love Him back.
I believe marriage is BEAUTIFUL. Not what Bridezillas have made it look like, where all the planning and pain goes into ONE STINKING DAY, but the committment of marriage. Not the temporary marriages people try now. I'm talking about the kind where you choose someone special. Someone who inspires you to be a better version of yourself. You are convinced you are marriage up...meaning someone better than you are, but at the same time he feels the same way about you. And you promise that there will be no one else. That you will guard yourself against that. (Marriage does not make you blind)
That when life gets rough and he starts going bald or work makes him crazy and he comes home in a bad mood, you are not going anywhere. Because you know that's not who he really is. (That doesn't mean you just quietly take it. But NO RUNNING) And when you get hormonal and could win the Queen Bitch award, he's NOT RUNNING either. And if cancer removes a breast, he still loves you. And if an accident puts him in a chair, you don't leave for a healthy person.
That is marriage and it is not the same thing as, let's hang out and see how it goes. Because it's going to get hard and you will want to run at some point. But you don't and you work and you make it beautiful again, but not only is it beautiful, it's stonger than when you started. It's my goal to go to my grave making mine better than the day we got married. I raise my fist in absolute defiance at the world and anyone who comes against this union. If my marriage ends, it will not go down with out a fight.
So that's where I write from. A place where love, romance and the supernatural are all REAL. I just write a fictional version of it.
Here is what I'm reading lately for romantic inspiration
Song of Solomon 4:10-11
"How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice! Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue..."
Pretty spicy for the Bible, don't you think? :)
Friday, October 28, 2011
Writing Woes
I've had a hard time writing lately. I'm a wife and a mother so that makes writing difficult. Especially since I make sure to prioritize it after the people in my life. One day I will retire and be forgotten by all of you but I will be a mother until I die. I don't wnat my kids' memories of childhood to be of them staying out of my hair while I wrote. And I'd like to retire and move to Florida with the same husband I started with. So writing gets pushed aside at times.
But lately, when I've had a chance to write, I can't. I've felt very insecure about my writing. Very unsure about everything. Somedays the anxiety kept me from writing at all. But tonight God reminded me that I'm not alone in this. He gave me all my callings--Wife, Mother, Writer. He's with me to guide me about all of it.
So I prayed and felt such peace. I can't remember the location but in the Bible I know it says, "Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you."
I so believe that He loves me and loves you and offers such hope, peace, and purpose to each of us. I refuse to believe we are nothing but bubbles floating around waiting to pop into nothingness.
So anyway, about to write with God taking my anxiety and giving me confidence in its place.
But lately, when I've had a chance to write, I can't. I've felt very insecure about my writing. Very unsure about everything. Somedays the anxiety kept me from writing at all. But tonight God reminded me that I'm not alone in this. He gave me all my callings--Wife, Mother, Writer. He's with me to guide me about all of it.
So I prayed and felt such peace. I can't remember the location but in the Bible I know it says, "Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you."
I so believe that He loves me and loves you and offers such hope, peace, and purpose to each of us. I refuse to believe we are nothing but bubbles floating around waiting to pop into nothingness.
So anyway, about to write with God taking my anxiety and giving me confidence in its place.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
So Blessed
I feel so very blessed from all the support I'm receiving from fans and bloggers for my book, The Earth Painter. That just blesses a writer's heart after spending so many hours querying agents only to be rejected. I was told my story had nothing to keep a reader reading. That they had no clue who my characters were and that my story wasn't enough to make a reader care.
Now to have people tell me my characters keep them awake at night. Readers telling me that they are losing sleep to race to the end and are countng down for the next book. It gives me a reason to keep writing.
I really need this to be my career. I dont' need to get rich but I have 3 boys who keep getting bigger each day and 1 small house that shrinks every day. Plus I've had every job out there and none fit. The characters in my head kept getting in the way. (I really have had a lot of jobs. My brother's family once had a catagory in charades called, "Jobs Aunt Missy Has Had")
I hope to be a much better writer one day with editor people to help me make my stories really sing. right now I'm doing my best and we will see how it goes.
Now to have people tell me my characters keep them awake at night. Readers telling me that they are losing sleep to race to the end and are countng down for the next book. It gives me a reason to keep writing.
I really need this to be my career. I dont' need to get rich but I have 3 boys who keep getting bigger each day and 1 small house that shrinks every day. Plus I've had every job out there and none fit. The characters in my head kept getting in the way. (I really have had a lot of jobs. My brother's family once had a catagory in charades called, "Jobs Aunt Missy Has Had")
I hope to be a much better writer one day with editor people to help me make my stories really sing. right now I'm doing my best and we will see how it goes.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
EASY Pumpkin Bread Recipe
Just made this to sneak a veggie into my kids. VERY good and
VERY easy.
Spray a bunt pan and prehead oven 350 degrees
INGREDIENTS:
1 1/2 cup self rising flour
1 cup sugar
2 tsp McCormick Pumpking Pie Spice
3 Eggs beaten
1 cup oil
1 15oz can of Pumpkin
1 small box of instant pudding (vanilla, white chocolate work GREAT. If you like coconut, coconut cream pudding works well too)
If you like texture, nuts and raisins are good mix ins.
Mix all together until a creamy batter. . Bake for about 40-45 minutes. Very moist and yummy.
VERY easy.
Spray a bunt pan and prehead oven 350 degrees
INGREDIENTS:
1 1/2 cup self rising flour
1 cup sugar
2 tsp McCormick Pumpking Pie Spice
3 Eggs beaten
1 cup oil
1 15oz can of Pumpkin
1 small box of instant pudding (vanilla, white chocolate work GREAT. If you like coconut, coconut cream pudding works well too)
If you like texture, nuts and raisins are good mix ins.
Mix all together until a creamy batter. . Bake for about 40-45 minutes. Very moist and yummy.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
I"m a Romantic
I am a romantic. I love being in love with my husband. I love to pull out our old love notes and read them. I love OLD romancit movies. (The old ones because Hollywood can't get them right anymore)
Anyway, this isn't much of a post but here is a link to one of my favorite love songs:
Blush (Only You) by Plumb. Hope you like it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo8cI-y5o6o
Anyway, this isn't much of a post but here is a link to one of my favorite love songs:
Blush (Only You) by Plumb. Hope you like it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo8cI-y5o6o
Friday, September 30, 2011
Marriage is Good
I think one of the reasons I started writing is because I had so much trouble finding books and movies that statisfied me. More and more they are from a place of dissolutionment. I'm one of the few people of my generation who comes from an in-tact home. Now I won't pretend it was always a good marriage, but my parents were together until my dad passed about 3 years ago. My brothers are much older than me and got married in their twenties while I was still in elementary school, and both are still happily married.
I married my high school sweetheart. I never really loved anyone else. Only had one other short 1 month relationship in high school, so my own heart has been spared heartache, so it's easy for me to believe love still exists and can last. If my background was different, I'm sure that belief would be harder to have faith in.
Back to movies and books. I don't want to spend hours reading a book or series to end with, "We'll try this thing out and see how it goes." or "I want to be free to go if I ever want out." That is NOT satisfying.
I know they want fiction to mimic real life, but that ending leaves you empty and I don't know.. hopeless? But in Real life Real love exists and to try to convince people that because it's HARD to make it last, that it's IMPOSSIBLE to make it last makes us all feel defeated and ready to settle for whatever.
I've been married for almost 16 years, but have been with my husband for 18 years (dated 2 years). It is HARD to stay in love. What works for us is to try to put each other before ourselves. You'd think that would just get you trampled on but it doesn't when you are both looking out for the other. Do we mess up and get selfish? Yep and we appologize, forgive and move on.
God is a big factor in this too. My husband and I are Christians so we believe what the Bible says. One thing it says is that Christ and His relationship with the church (the church is the believers, not a denomination) is the example for husbands and wives. In that mysterious relationship between husband and wife, we get a glimmer of the mystery of Christ and His love for His people.
God has an enemy and that enemy is out to destroy our belief in love and marriage. Because if we catch a glimmer of that mystery, we might seek out the One it is an example of.
Anyway, this is the place I write from. A place where love lasts forever. An enemy is out to destroy it all and there are supernatural forces at work that most people have no clue about.
Gotta go cuddle my baby boy now. Hope you enjoyed my ramble. Let me know what you think.
I married my high school sweetheart. I never really loved anyone else. Only had one other short 1 month relationship in high school, so my own heart has been spared heartache, so it's easy for me to believe love still exists and can last. If my background was different, I'm sure that belief would be harder to have faith in.
Back to movies and books. I don't want to spend hours reading a book or series to end with, "We'll try this thing out and see how it goes." or "I want to be free to go if I ever want out." That is NOT satisfying.
I know they want fiction to mimic real life, but that ending leaves you empty and I don't know.. hopeless? But in Real life Real love exists and to try to convince people that because it's HARD to make it last, that it's IMPOSSIBLE to make it last makes us all feel defeated and ready to settle for whatever.
I've been married for almost 16 years, but have been with my husband for 18 years (dated 2 years). It is HARD to stay in love. What works for us is to try to put each other before ourselves. You'd think that would just get you trampled on but it doesn't when you are both looking out for the other. Do we mess up and get selfish? Yep and we appologize, forgive and move on.
God is a big factor in this too. My husband and I are Christians so we believe what the Bible says. One thing it says is that Christ and His relationship with the church (the church is the believers, not a denomination) is the example for husbands and wives. In that mysterious relationship between husband and wife, we get a glimmer of the mystery of Christ and His love for His people.
God has an enemy and that enemy is out to destroy our belief in love and marriage. Because if we catch a glimmer of that mystery, we might seek out the One it is an example of.
Anyway, this is the place I write from. A place where love lasts forever. An enemy is out to destroy it all and there are supernatural forces at work that most people have no clue about.
Gotta go cuddle my baby boy now. Hope you enjoyed my ramble. Let me know what you think.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Marketing and Writing
As I make my path down the trail of the self-published, I'm finding that I spend 3 to 4 times as many hours on marketing as I do the writing. And you know what I LOVE IT. I do. In college I majored in Communication with my Concentration in Journalism and my Cognate in Marketing. (Weird words that kinda mean Major and Minor). I did an internship at a marketing firm rather than a newspaper or the local news station. At the time I was most interested in broadcasting.( I wanted the be the white Oprah. Hahahaha).
But for fun, my electives were ALL writing classes. Biography Writing, Creative Writing, Fiction Writing and Writing for Broadcast.
And then I went home to be a mom and NEVER used any of it...until now. I honestly believe it all had to go in the crockpot and stew a while. God knew what He was doing when He led me to that course of study. although for long time now I had wished I'd studied something more practical.
I write while the kids are all at school but look up book blogs and such while they are here. So I'm always working and I LOVE IT.
So there's my post for today. An ode to my love for God, Writing, and Marketing,
But for fun, my electives were ALL writing classes. Biography Writing, Creative Writing, Fiction Writing and Writing for Broadcast.
And then I went home to be a mom and NEVER used any of it...until now. I honestly believe it all had to go in the crockpot and stew a while. God knew what He was doing when He led me to that course of study. although for long time now I had wished I'd studied something more practical.
I write while the kids are all at school but look up book blogs and such while they are here. So I'm always working and I LOVE IT.
So there's my post for today. An ode to my love for God, Writing, and Marketing,
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
New Review and Great Blog to Follow
Here is a link to a really great blog to follow if you have kids. There is also a review of my book, The Earth Painter there. Go check it out and follow that blog. :-D
http://kidsfunreviewed.com/the-earth-painter-book-review/
http://kidsfunreviewed.com/the-earth-painter-book-review/
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
New Review
They are trickling in. I'm glad people like it. Here's the lates review on Amazon.
http://www.amazon.com/review/R332TQVM2AZKYS/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B005JU5FPQ&nodeID=&tag=&linkCode=
http://www.amazon.com/review/R332TQVM2AZKYS/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B005JU5FPQ&nodeID=&tag=&linkCode=
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Music That Inspires Me
My writing process usually starts with prayer and Bible study. I believe my creative nature is one way I am made in the image of God, So I dedicate my writing to Him even when the story is not Christian fiction. I'm still a Christian writing the fiction. He is in me and I have to be in agreement with Him in all that I do, and not try to go my own way and drag Him with me.
Then I listen to music to set the tone. I often pace and think about my characters and what they are feeling and feed off the emotion of the music. Sometimes it is Christian music and sometimes it is clean alternative rock. I know many Christians have the conviction to only listen to Christian music and if God has led you to that, then who am I to argue. But too often Christian music only allows the artist to sing about their love for God and God's love for them. That is the purpose of our existence so I am in total agreement to make that a huge part of what I set my mind on. But He didn't set us down in a church with a Bible and cut us off from all other aspects of life. He gave us pretty trees and flowers, people to love, funny experiences, disappointments and I think it is godly to express those things and the feelings of those things artistically to music too. But for the most part songs like that are not played on Christian radio much. I do guard my heart and seek to be discerning.
So I have two songs I've been listening to before I write. One is Christian and one is not but it is still a very good song. I don't listen to music while I write. Just during the pacing and thinking to get into my character's emotional place...into my writing zone if you will. When the story is about to spill out of me and I feel like I'm in a cloud my character's emotions I sit down and write.
Above is Jesus Culture's, Sing My Love .
To the left is The Goo Goo Dolls', All That You Are
Happy Listening!!!
Then I listen to music to set the tone. I often pace and think about my characters and what they are feeling and feed off the emotion of the music. Sometimes it is Christian music and sometimes it is clean alternative rock. I know many Christians have the conviction to only listen to Christian music and if God has led you to that, then who am I to argue. But too often Christian music only allows the artist to sing about their love for God and God's love for them. That is the purpose of our existence so I am in total agreement to make that a huge part of what I set my mind on. But He didn't set us down in a church with a Bible and cut us off from all other aspects of life. He gave us pretty trees and flowers, people to love, funny experiences, disappointments and I think it is godly to express those things and the feelings of those things artistically to music too. But for the most part songs like that are not played on Christian radio much. I do guard my heart and seek to be discerning.
So I have two songs I've been listening to before I write. One is Christian and one is not but it is still a very good song. I don't listen to music while I write. Just during the pacing and thinking to get into my character's emotional place...into my writing zone if you will. When the story is about to spill out of me and I feel like I'm in a cloud my character's emotions I sit down and write.
Above is Jesus Culture's, Sing My Love .
To the left is The Goo Goo Dolls', All That You Are
Happy Listening!!!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Here is a link to a book review. A great blog to follow
Well my new book, The Earth Painter is up on Amazon for kindle and B&N for Nook. It's the first The Painter Series. I remember the day the story came to me. I was in my two oldest boys' room putting away laundry and it began to unfold in my head
I really hope you will give it a try, but don't take my word for it. Here is a review on a great blog to follow
http://www.reviewbymoms.com/2011/08/earth-painter-by-m-t-lee.html
I really hope you will give it a try, but don't take my word for it. Here is a review on a great blog to follow
http://www.reviewbymoms.com/2011/08/earth-painter-by-m-t-lee.html
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Romance is NOT just a modern idea!!!
When I first felt the call to write romance (Yes I consider it my calling), I read so many articles on the internet from Christians saying romance novels and fiction of any kind were ungodly. It made me wonder if these people and I were reading the same Bible.
Love, Desire, Passion. God made them. Yes, Satan has corrupted them but their existence is because of God.
Plus, I've always viewed the Bible itself as following the style of an epic romance. The King/Prince (God/Jesus) is in love with a lowly commoner (us humans), and rescues their love interest from the villain (Satan).
Maybe I connect the two because at age 17 I fell in love with my man and my God at the same time. It's a long story and I'll share it here some time, but as a child I needed to be rescued. I called out to God and He began to whisper to me stories of my future and the man I would fall in love with. And then at 17, it all happened as promised. So to me love, God, romance and supernatural involvement are one and the same. So that's how I write.
What do you think? I'd love to hear it.
Love, Desire, Passion. God made them. Yes, Satan has corrupted them but their existence is because of God.
Plus, I've always viewed the Bible itself as following the style of an epic romance. The King/Prince (God/Jesus) is in love with a lowly commoner (us humans), and rescues their love interest from the villain (Satan).
Maybe I connect the two because at age 17 I fell in love with my man and my God at the same time. It's a long story and I'll share it here some time, but as a child I needed to be rescued. I called out to God and He began to whisper to me stories of my future and the man I would fall in love with. And then at 17, it all happened as promised. So to me love, God, romance and supernatural involvement are one and the same. So that's how I write.
What do you think? I'd love to hear it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)